the she loves ny guide to etiquette and the like
lies & headaches: lies

1.0 Examples
We don't take reservations, sir;
My apologies sir, you cannot smoke here;
We're at capacity at the moment, sir;
I'm sorry sir, we’re closed for a private party tonight;
Seating here is general admission only, sir;
At the bar the sushi is not available, sir;
Regrettably, that table is reserved for another party, sir;
Unfortunately, sir, we don't serve the Paillard before 11 pm;
We will be able to seat you when your entire party is here, sir;
This table, sir, is only for larger groups;
We're about to close, sir;
I’m sorry to say that we’ve run out of miso glazed black cod, sir.

1.1 Summary
The gentleman is aware that he will rarely, if ever, in places such as New York, hear a word so abrupt and distasteful as "no." Rather, he understands that he will encounter certain quote-unquote lies (many of which the gentleman will find listed above), which have been designed by highly celebrated goons, henchmen, and henchwomen, to serve as placeholders for an answer more explicitly and barbarically in the negative. The gentleman is equally aware that he must make quite certain that the lady is not made to hear these lies – neither secondhand, recycled foolishly by the gentleman himself, nor as told to her directly by a regrettably brash sort of person.

Ultimately, the gentleman knows that there is a decidedly inverse relationship between the Lady's contentedness and the number of lies with which she is made to contend, or worse, forced herself to dispute.

2.0 Logistics
The gentleman will avoid lies like he would avoid the plague. If the gentleman is certain, or is of a good mind, that he will be presented a lie should he go down a certain path, he will not go down that path. Maintaining a savvy mind, a swift command of his wits, and full employ of his resources and relationships, he will anticipate, dodge, and debunk these half-, quarter-, and non-truths. He is aware that these lies are designed for, and delivered to, the common, Shecky's-using man—the very type of person the urban gentleman must never come to resemble.

2.1 Logistics, Advanced
The gentleman will, for example, talk to Mr. Ivan ahead of time should he plan on ordering a bit of something from Kittichai all the way upstairs at a60. Or, should the lady want to dine at Frank, the gentleman will not say, "they don't take reservations, beautiful, do you mind Waiting?" Rather he will recognize the lie inherent to this statement ahead of time and obtain the private reservations number given out to Urban Gentlemen.

2.2 Logistics, Disputes
Though the gentleman should feel free to dispute lies in public, he will not characterize these objections with aggressive, provocative, or belligerent behavior. He is aware that he will most likely be unsuccessful in such grotesque displays of bravery and/or idiocy. He is also aware that such displays rarely, if ever, conclude without the gentleman having suffered from atrophy of his dignity.

2.3 Logistics, Advanced II, In Which He Can Always Resort to Tipping
The gentleman is aware that one solution of breathtaking simplicity does exist in this dance around the truth: Currency. Thusly, should the gentleman find himself without a currency-non-centric option, he will resort to the timeless, gentlemanly, and decidedly currency-centric art of tipping his way into favor with the goons. Of course, the gentleman will do so such that the lady does not bear witness.